Psychodynamic Therapy in Croydon and Online

The performance is exhausting, isn't it?

If you've found your way here, something isn't working anymore.

Maybe it's the exhausting performance of being fine when you're not. The careful curation of yourself in relationships, at work, even in your own head. The way you've become so good at managing everyone else's comfort that you've forgotten what you actually need.

Perhaps you're the person everyone comes to for support, but you can't remember the last time you felt genuinely seen by someone else. You've mastered the art of being helpful, understanding, accommodating - but underneath all that niceness, there's something else. Something angrier. Something more real.

Or maybe you're just tired. Tired of the same patterns repeating. Tired of relationships that feel hollow despite being technically functional. Tired of the gap between who you are and who you think you're supposed to be.

You might have tried fixing it already. Self-help books, meditation apps, exercise routines, productivity systems. You've probably got quite good at analysing what's wrong. But analysis isn't transformation.

The thing about being stuck isn't that you don't understand your problems. It's that the very strategies you use to cope have become the problem.

We don't need to pretend this is comfortable

Therapy isn't about feeling better immediately. It's about feeling real. About examining the patterns that keep you safe but leave you starving. About understanding why you keep choosing the same kinds of people, the same kinds of jobs, the same ways of avoiding what you actually want.

My approach is psychodynamic, which means we're interested in what's underneath. Not just what you do, but why you do it. Not just what you think, but what you avoid thinking. Not just who you are, but who you've had to stop being to survive.

This isn't about fixing you. You're not broken. But something in how you've learned to be in the world isn't serving you anymore.

We'll look at the unconscious patterns, the defences that once protected you but now imprison you, the ways you've learned to be palatable instead of authentic. We'll examine the cost of being so carefully managed that no one - including you - knows who you really are underneath all that performance.

This work requires courage. The courage to see yourself clearly, to feel things you've been avoiding, to risk disappointing people by being real instead of agreeable.

About me

I'm a psychodynamic therapist who understands the particular exhaustion of performing connection while starving for it. I know what it's like to be praised for qualities that aren't even real - for being "so understanding" when you're actually just terrified of conflict, "so selfless" when you're really just scared of being seen as needy.

I've lived the gap between public competence and private struggle. I understand the rage that lives underneath chronic accommodation, the loneliness of being liked for who you're pretending to be.

I'm not interested in helping you manage your symptoms. I'm interested in understanding why they make sense.

What this looks like

We meet weekly, for 50 minutes, online or in my Croydon practice. We start wherever you are - with whatever brought you here, whatever you're avoiding, whatever keeps you awake at 3am.

I won't tell you what to do or how to feel. I won't offer solutions or strategies or five-step plans. Instead, we'll explore. We'll notice patterns. We'll pay attention to what emerges when you stop trying to be impressive and start being honest.

This isn't comfortable work. But it's real work. And real is what you've been missing.

The people I work with

The high-functioning strugglers. The ones who look like they have it together but feel empty inside. The chronic helpers who've forgotten they have needs too. The people-pleasers who've lost touch with what they actually want.

Those who've been rewarded for being good, compliant, understanding - but who've never learned how to be authentic. The ones who can manage everyone else's emotions but are mystified by their own.

If you're tired of being digestible but flavourless, if you're ready to risk being disliked for who you actually are instead of loved for who you're pretending to be, then we might be a good fit.

Getting started

Email me. Tell me what's brought you here. Don't worry about having the right words or explaining it perfectly. Just tell me what's not working anymore.

We'll arrange a brief initial conversation to see if this feels right for both of us. Not every therapist is right for every person, and that's okay.

If you're ready to stop managing your life and start living it, let's talk.

Luke Row is a BACP registered psychodynamic therapist practicing in Croydon and online. He works with adults who are tired of performing okay and ready to discover what's underneath.