Why Do I Struggle to Talk About How I Feel?

As a therapist, I often sit with men who’ve spent years keeping things in. Not because they’re cold or emotionally shut down, but because somewhere along the way, they learned it wasn’t safe, welcome, or useful to talk about how they really felt.

Sometimes it shows up as anger — quick to flare, hard to understand. Sometimes it’s a quiet withdrawal. Other times it’s acting out in ways that don’t quite make sense, even to them: drinking, working too much, watching porn, zoning out. Underneath it all, there’s often a simple truth: talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally. Or it feels too vulnerable, even dangerous.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re human. And there’s often a good reason why it feels so hard.

Where Did This Start?

Very few of us were taught how to talk about our feelings. Especially as boys, the message was often: don’t cry, don’t be soft, don’t show weakness. Maybe you had to grow up fast. Maybe there wasn’t space for your emotions at home. Maybe the people around you didn’t have the capacity to listen.

Over time, these patterns settle in. We learn to rely on thinking over feeling, on action over reflection. We cope — but we don’t always understand what’s going on inside. We might not even have the words for it.

Why It Matters

When we can’t talk about how we feel, it doesn’t go away — it just finds other ways out. It might come through our bodies: tension, exhaustion, gut problems. Or through our relationships: distance, conflict, a sense of not really being known. Or through behaviour: patterns we repeat, even when they’re not working.

Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about getting curious. Exploring what’s underneath. Making sense of what’s never been named.

How Therapy Can Help

In psychodynamic therapy, we don’t rush to offer tips or strategies. We slow down. We pay attention. Together, we try to understand what’s behind the struggle — not just what you’re doing, but why it might make sense in the context of your life.

You don’t need to have the right words. You don’t need to explain it perfectly. If anything, the work begins where the words run out.

Over time, the therapy space becomes somewhere you can bring the parts of yourself you usually keep hidden — even from yourself. And in doing that, something starts to shift. You begin to feel more choice. More connection. More clarity.

Working Together

I’m a male therapist based in London, offering psychodynamic therapy to adults — especially men who are tired of acting out their emotions and want to start understanding them instead.

I offer both in-person and online sessions. If any of this resonates, you’re welcome to get in touch for an initial conversation.

It’s okay not to have all the answers. Sometimes, the first step is just being willing to ask the question.